“Don’t be selfish.”
“You will regret it.”
“What are you waiting for?”
“You don’t know real love yet.”
These are all words that have been said to me at one point or another when the topic of having children comes up. For some reason people feel that the topic of pregnancy is always open and up for discussion– I wish someone would’ve told me my ovaries were on the docket for this month’s town hall meeting.
Most of the time the comments and unsolicited life advice gets a little annoying and it’s not only women. You’d be surprised to know that even men have thrown their two cents in. I think deep down they feel that they are defending the honor of my husband. I mean, what man would not want to have his seed sprinkled in this world? Yes, someone actually said the word seed to me. Hmm, who would’ve thought, all this time together and I had no idea I married the Jamaican Johnny Appleseed.
But with time I’ve learned to expertly glide right past the intrusion on the status of my womb. And although it may come as a shocker to some, not having a child doesn’t make me less of a woman. There’s not some covert group of womanhood enforcers coming around looking for me ready to ask me to return my ovaries along with my woman card.
Chrissy Teigen & Tyra Banks discuss the “When are you going to have kids?” question:
You see, regardless of whether I don’t have children because of medical reasons or simply because I choose not to have them, at the end of the day it is my body. Let me repeat that again– it is MY BODY. And the personal choices made alongside my husband are also just that, our personal choices.
As I get older, certain holidays — Mother’s Day I’m looking right at you, increase the levels of intrusion. What used to be “awww, it’s okay you’re still young, you have plenty of time,” commentaries have become a sorrowful yet concerned look of “don’t worry, it will happen soon.” I don’t need a pity party, people. I’m 40 years old and I have lived an amazing life so far. Being part of team no-baby doesn’t take away from the extraordinary experiences I’ve lived. It also doesn’t make me a less nurturing and loving person. I’ve just made a different choice than yours. And isn’t having choices part of the fabulousness of life.
So if you recognize yourself as a constant advice giver, please stop. It’s okay if the other person brings it up but it’s never okay to intrude into something so personal unless you’re invited to. And if you are on the other side of the “advice” keep your head up, my dears. Make the choices that are best for you, your partner and your life/situation.
Until next time my lovelies,
People use to say that to me when I got married. We were married almost 6 years before my son was born. I think they are trying to genuinely be concerned, but that is so intrusive and children change your life and your finances. It truly is a personal decision.
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I think some really are genuine but it’s shocking to see how many actually cross the line to intrusive and others are right down disrespectful at times.
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Hi Zadry. Although I wanted to have children, I don’t because of circumstances. Whether it is because of circumstances or you consciously decided not to have children, that is something only you and your husband can decide. I am sure those offering you advice have only good intentions, but they have to respect your decision on the matter.
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Hey John. I think those that are close to us understand our own mothers don’t badger us. It’s actually acquaintances that tend to be more intrusive.
And you’re so right (regardless of reason) it’s a personal decision that should be respected.
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Reblogged this on Her Breaking Point and commented:
Close to my heart and so verymuch on point…tread lightly in love ❤ #mybody
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Very close to my my heart Z! Thanks for sharing!
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I’ve had this post in mind for so long. I’m happy I finally shared it.
xoxo
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I’m glad you did too! ❤ Besitos
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I enjoyed this. Thank you for reblogging
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Thanks sis!
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Thanks sis!
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I can relate. I wrote a post about this topic earlier this year. People really will be all up in your uterus like they’ll be carrying and caring for the baby themselves. It’s quite personal and I think people should be more sensitive to that fact. Besides, we are human beings, not baby factories.
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perfectly said Keisha!
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It’s a very personal decision. Good for you for standing your ground against the intrusiveness of others and YOUR body. #BLMGirls
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It’s hard sometimes, people don’t understand their words can get hurtful but you have to stand your ground for your own sanity more than anything. Thank you so much for reading and commenting.
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