“Don’t be selfish.”
“You will regret it.”
“What are you waiting for?”
“You don’t know real love yet.”
These are all words that have been said to me at one point or another when the topic of having children comes up. For some reason people feel that the topic of pregnancy is always open and up for discussion– I wish someone would’ve told me my ovaries were on the docket for this month’s town hall meeting.
Most of the time the comments and unsolicited life advice gets a little annoying and it’s not only women. You’d be surprised to know that even men have thrown their two cents in. I think deep down they feel that they are defending the honor of my husband. I mean, what man would not want to have his seed sprinkled in this world? Yes, someone actually said the word seed to me. Hmm, who would’ve thought, all this time together and I had no idea I married the Jamaican Johnny Appleseed.
But with time I’ve learned to expertly glide right past the intrusion on the status of my womb. And although it may come as a shocker to some, not having a child doesn’t make me less of a woman. There’s not some covert group of womanhood enforcers coming around looking for me ready to ask me to return my ovaries along with my woman card.
Chrissy Teigen & Tyra Banks discuss the “When are you going to have kids?” question:
You see, regardless of whether I don’t have children because of medical reasons or simply because I choose not to have them, at the end of the day it is my body. Let me repeat that again– it is MY BODY. And the personal choices made alongside my husband are also just that, our personal choices.
As I get older, certain holidays — Mother’s Day I’m looking right at you, increase the levels of intrusion. What used to be “awww, it’s okay you’re still young, you have plenty of time,” commentaries have become a sorrowful yet concerned look of “don’t worry, it will happen soon.” I don’t need a pity party, people. I’m 40 years old and I have lived an amazing life so far. Being part of team no-baby doesn’t take away from the extraordinary experiences I’ve lived. It also doesn’t make me a less nurturing and loving person. I’ve just made a different choice than yours. And isn’t having choices part of the fabulousness of life.
So if you recognize yourself as a constant advice giver, please stop. It’s okay if the other person brings it up but it’s never okay to intrude into something so personal unless you’re invited to. And if you are on the other side of the “advice” keep your head up, my dears. Make the choices that are best for you, your partner and your life/situation.
Until next time my lovelies,