Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.” — Oprah Winfrey


  • a person with whom one is friendly despite a fundamental dislike or rivalry.
  • a blend of friend and enemy

Have you ever had THAT friend in your circle? You know the one– the drama bringer,  the centerstage diva.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve begun to truly appreciate my space and time. I’ve become careful with whom I choose to be friends with, especially the people I bring into my circle of peace. Life already comes with a lot of ups and downs, and your friendships are meant to add to your life. To nurture your soul. Not to drain your energies or spirit.

And if you find yourself surrounded by someone who is constantly draining your spiritual energy with their actions or words, the healthiest thing you can do for yourself is part ways. Now don’t get me wrong, even the best of friends will have a disagreement. We all have our cranky days. But it’s how you communicate with one another that makes the difference.

Is your friend honest yet thoughtful of your feelings or are they constantly tearing you down, with backhanded compliments and their version of “constructive” criticism?

When they hurt you or make a mistake, do they apologize or do they focus only on their feelings, while dismissing yours? Do they embrace your other friendships or does your attention-shift create jealousy fits instead?

My lovelies, these are all signs of a toxic friendship.

I completely believe in the giving of your heart and time to those you love. And you invest in friendships not because you’re expecting a return, but it’s what comes from the heart– to be a source of happiness and enrichment to those you love. But being around someone who only receives becomes draining. To be surrounded by a frenemy is an emotional and soul draining experience.

So what to do when confronted with the possibility of a frenemy?

  • Try to talk things out. Let your friend know that their words have hurt you. Remember, to be honest and respectful. There’s never a reason to be nasty or sarcastic.
  • Listen to your instincts. Does your friend elevate you or do their words and actions chip away at your self-esteem? How does being around them make you feel?
  • Walk away. If after talking things out, your friend continues to act the same or seems uninterested in changing their behavior or attitude the best thing to do is to end the friendship.

Above all, remember you have to do what’s best for yourself and your peace of mind. Holding on to a toxic relationship stops you from being your best self. So, wish them well and continue your walk down the yellow brick road to zen.

Until next time my lovelies,


4 thoughts on “Frenemies

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